i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
