ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
