Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
