She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
