I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
