This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
