Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
