How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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