i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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