I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
