The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
