I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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