I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
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