After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
