don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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