But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
