remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
