The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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