i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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