Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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