Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
