Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
