I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
