I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
