FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
