I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
