He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
