smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
