3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
