She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
