Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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