To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
