we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
