He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
