If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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