I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
