I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
