So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
