If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
