I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
