Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
