dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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