Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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