I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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