I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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