I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
