He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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