Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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