How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When did angry sex become our thing?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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