he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You ruined the universe
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
